this is 30...

Over the last few days, I’ve found myself reflecting on life as I tend to do these last few years when my birthday approaches. Today I turn 30, one of those years many say is a milestone. Since 25 I’ve struggled a bit with 30 being so close by, at times afraid of this day and other times excited about what it would hold for me, but most of the time trying not to dwell on it. Looking back to other “milestone” birthdays, if you asked me where I thought I’d be in life the answer would be different each time. The answers from two of these years that I can remember would be from 18 and 21. At 18, high school graduate ready to take on the college world, unstoppable, & indestructible; I would have told you that by now at 30 I’d be settled down, married with 1-2 kids, possibly running my own business or as I at the time was going to college for, I’d be working in forensics (yes I loved NCIS, especially Abby). I’d still be surrounded by my high school best friends and my circle would have grown larger to include my new college friends. Flash forward a few years, 21, senior year of college, still unstoppable but a little less indestructible due to injuries & health issues that came about, ready to take out the outside world and this “adult” thing. But my answer to the where will you be at 30 question was again married, 1-2 kids, possibly working in Higher Education, a traveling journalist (as I was completing a Public Relations & Journalism degree), or running my own business.

Along with these milestone memories come many others in-between. There was a time I thought I’d be hunting deer, raising chickens and tending to a garden, “living off the land” as much as I could. There were times I thought I’d be living in another state or maybe even country or even backpacking through the world. Then there were my dark days, no sense in hiding them they are a part of me and have an influence on how I chose to view life today, the days I didn’t think I’d make it to 30 or to see the light of the next day in general, unsure if I even wanted to.

Through those days I learned the importance of finding the light in each day and that you can’t run from the darkness whether it’s inside or outside of you. If you try to run it will likely catch you but if you turn to it and face it head on a little at a time you can break free from it. You don’t always have to face it alone either. People come into your life for many different reasons and some are there to get you through your darkness, if you listen to your heart and it will guide you to those people and away from the ones that are sent to challenge your ability to break from the darkness. That’s where we’ll end that topic for today, as today is my birthday and a day to celebrate the light & another year!

So at this point you may be asking… well what is 30 then?! For me 30 is freedom, it is happiness, love, excitement, light, peace… 30 is knowing that all of the good & bad over the years was necessary for 30 to be 30. It is knowing I am & will always be unstoppable but not indestructible. 30 is living my best life with the love of my life (married or not) and our two fur babies, and eventually human babies when the time is right. It is continuing to travel some where new at least once a year, learning about other cultures, expanding my worldwide family/tribe. 30 is learning everything that I can about anything that interests me. It is saying no and walking away from people & situations that no longer serve me, that hold back my growth, or don’t align with my energy. 30 is understanding that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, so love them while they are there and be at peace if the time comes for them to move on in any way, reflect and maybe you’ll find the lesson they were there to share with you but know you may never know. It is self love and spreading light to everyone you can while being sure you don’t burn yourself out. 30 is trusting in the universe that you are on the path you are meant to be on and that you will do great things.

In all of this 30 is still unknown.